A Love that Kills - ee jook il nom eh sarang

arghhh I could absolutely kill blogger! Another post that has been erased and gone... can't find it again... dammit!

And once again the options for pictures, colours, bold etc have disappeared! WTF!!!

I'll give blogger hmm... 5 more chances, and if it continues to disappoint me so, I will move over to wordpress. Did you hear that BLOGGER?? Just so you know I will follow through with the threat: I have already created an account with wordpress, in readiness of your failure!

Anyway, I was gonna put up a picture of the series I lent ya, Hao Ying - refer to the title of this blog... but well, there is no option in this stupid site!

I have no idea what I typed last time, but I can only be brief today because I really need time to do this assignment!

Jenny, what were you doing up so late last night? Freaking scared Adrienne and I... "look at the window!" and just as we managed to fall asleep, another buzz with the sms of: "look up, there's a guy in the corner"... OMG man! lol.. it'll come back to you. Who was it that said it? Can't remember, but I remember someone saying that if you choose to scare people with ghosts, you leave yourself more likely to be haunted. mwhwhahahahaha. Suck on that! =P

Life goes on... on Tuesday we found out that my grandpa is in hospital after suffering a stroke. That's why I cancelled Springvale at first, because we rushed to Box Hill Hospital after I picked up the siblings. Only to arrive, while finding parking, to have mum tell us there was no point in going in because he had just had the operation and wouldn't be awake... I felt sort of annoyed because I drove all the way out there only to turn back.

Last night, I spent several hours at uni with a friend working on an assignment that I have to finish tonight (even though due tomorrow - I have work therefore must finish tonight). My sister rings saying that mum wants us to rush to the hospital because she was afraid something might happen. He had no woken up yet after the operation....

I was stuck. I needed my friend's help with this assignment worth 45% of our mark and last night was the only time... yet the duty to go see my grandpa. I didn't know what to do.

I have never been close to my grandpa... his personality is gruff, proud, and never ever wants to be seen as weak (seems the personality has carried onto a majority of his kids). He used to call us three "potatoes" in chinese, and in front of us, he used to ask my mum "why are you so stupid? Why did you take the kids?" blah blah... makes you feel REAL special, don't it?

The last time I saw him, which was earlier this year for his birthday, he looked so run down, so tired He has always been healthy and young looking... and I felt sad for him that day on his birthday. It was like, he was just happy everyone was there for his birthday. Like none of that other dramatic stuff that usually happens... I guess it makes you treasure things more? He was having problems with one of his eyes, but in general appearance he looked tired, sick and run down.

He is our grandpa after everything, and even though I got the impression he never liked us very much (being the offspring of my "evil" dad, and being the children of their black sheep daughter)... it just sorta is all sad.

I didn't know what to do last night: and you won't believe how bad I felt. I decided to stay back a little while, and then later my sister called to say that he had woken up, and mum had told us we didn't need to come down that night. So we're going today after they finish school.

It makes me question myself... I guess I dunno. Man. Everyone has gone to see him except us... and I feel terrible... and I may be rationalising but like we just haven't had the chance to... I feel sooo bad. He could have died, and instead of rushing to see him, I choose to stay a little longer working on an assignment before going to see him... I don't think I understood the urgency. How do you prioritise it all?

Overly obssessive!

Something is very very wrong with this Blogger beta program... for some reason nothing of what I write will go up! When I publish then view, nothing is there!

Let's see if it will work this time... I really don't wanna change AGAIN! I might have to follow you guys and go over to Wordpress at this rate!

Anyway, I was procrastinating and decided to check out youtube and see if there are episodes of Goong... and voila! There are! Of course they are like 10 minute segements coz youtube won't allow you to upload longer clips... but I got to watch it! Wasn't it sooo funny when Chaegyung is playing with Shin whilst he is asleep... hahaha I thought he was a bit weird "what the hell? what did he do to himself?? is he gay? noooooooo" And then awww when he filmed himself kissing her... how sweet! How can she doubt that he likes her?? When there is OBVIOUS evident... stupid stupid... then the misunderstanding... SOB! I feel sorry for Yul, BUT PISS OFF!! Argh!
Oh man, and that kiss... the one when he has her up against the wall.. idiot! Express yourself better, you sound like you are treating her only as a possession... perhaps it was also coz he didn't want her to know he liked her in case she hurt him... defense mechanism... C'mon Chaegyung! Smarten up!!! He sooo loves you!

Arrrgghhh...

Watching them at that hotel, makes me really wanna go away for my birthday... for the weekend! It would be awesome, except for the fact of where? And organisation... and will people be able to put aside Saturday night and Sunday all day? Argh... Though imagine how cool it would be huh??

Oh! And the laptop is coming in on next Tuesday!! Hurray!! I can't wait... Music sooo needed! Annnnddd, I've always wanted a laptop... yay for me.

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

I can't wait until their album comes out! Loving this song! Tried to get onto youtube to put the clip up... not working
Their album Fallen is the best one to study to...!

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Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

Don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself
Can't keep believing
We're only deceiving ourselves
And I'm sick of the lie
And you're too late

Don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind

Couldn't take the blame
Sick with shame
Must be exhausting to lose your own game
Selfishly hated
No wonder you're jaded
You can't play the victim this time
And you're too late

So don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
You want me
Come find me
Make up your mind

You never call me when you're sober
You only want it cause it's over
It's over

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine

So don't cry to me
If you loved me
You would be here with me
Don't lie to me
Just get your things
I've made up your mind

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I want to know what the hell happened to the options to put up pictures etc!

Sighs...

Sighs...
Ahhh watched that bit where Shin and Chaegyung go away together... they're like a real married couple... instead of hating one another! And I had to re-watch several times, the bit where they're lying in bed, and CG is asleep, and Shin pulls her towards him and hugs her to sleep... AHHH... We are soooo going to Korea!!

Jenny, I'm scared to watch those clips you have on your blog, in case I get some part ruined!

HAHAHA OMG!! I thought Hao Ying was just being silly drunk... Jenny, your passport really says JANNY??? hahahahahahahaha... omg, that's soooo funny. Seriously, I thought Hao Ying was just saying it coz it was funny, but now its real... ahahahahahaha... wait no, it's actually Janny? hahahahahahaha...

Speaking of which, I don't have a passport, since I've never ever been out of the country. There may be problems though, my birth certificate says "Jocelyn Truong", and we don't know where the papers for when I did change my name! Isn't there some place in the city where you can get birth certificates? But where would I be able to get another copy of my name change?

Bleh, the excuse about Full House being old is bull, and is a LAME-O EXCUSE!... that's a stoooopid reason! You don't know what you're missing out on...

Cravings for that nice bubble ice crush you had the other night, Janny... ahahah

Ordered the laptop today, should be arriving in about a week. My sister will be excited because she will finally be able to activate her ipod that I got for her 18th. She will finally be able to install it on the laptop... but the other thing is that I will need to go back to mum's and burn all the music I have onto CDs...

Speaking of which... mum wanted us to volunteer at this concert she's having where her Chinese Choir is performing... I thought, okay, may as well to demonstrate that despite what has happened, she is our mum afterall, we'll go. What I didn't realise until she left us the notes about volunteering, is that it starts at 8am and ends at 10pm on Sunday 3rd September. Two things: 1) there goes sleeping in!! So freaking early, I'm gonna ddiiiiieeee! and 2) it's on Father's Day. I wonder if she planned it? It's too late to back out of it now, but I'm sooo not looking forward to it... the early wake, and probably having to see my grandparents and aunties and uncles, and putting up with their crap and bitching. We also have to take care of my cousin the ballerina, Amanda (my aunty Yen's youngest, sister of Jennifer). Lots of fun, because everyone will be whispering and backstabbing us, saying what bad kids we are... bleh, so not looking forward to it!

Bloody Centrelink is gay.. but I knew that before! That letter that came in for me it was informing me that my Youth Allowance had been cancelled, because apparently I hadn't sent in my parent's income stuff... as there was a change in circumstances they had to check up on my parent's income. Anyway, my sister got one too and we sent both off at the same time last week... idiots! So I rung them up yesterday, and they inform me that they did receive it but had cancelled my YA... anyway rung up again today and its been re-activated. Talk about a nuisance! Still waiting to see whether we get approved for our claim of unreasonable to live at home.

Nick finally messaged about what he wants to do for his birthday... he messaged last night, and I nearly died of fright coz my sister's old phone is really loud! Anyhow, he plans to go to BarBosh and then to the Irish Pub... all close to me! Awesome!! hahaha...
Next week is Andrew's but he hasn't organised anything yet..
My birthday... well, I know for sure that my aussie friends would not have the guts to do karoke, so we'd have to do it another time... I would like to try though coz I've never ever been!

I'm thinking about quitting Grain as soon as the boss comes back... but they seem so desperate to have people. But each week, Friday comes around and I wanna die... I hate working there, the hours are soo long... and I get paid only $8.50 an hour... The boss went away to HK and Vietnam, so my Aunty Jenny's husband's nephew who is around 25-26 is working as the boss. Because he is the big boss's nephew and came over from Malaysia, it looks like he will take over from the original boss. This young boss seems nice enough. But ergghhh sooo sick of working there. They asked me to do Saturday days permanently, but I don't think I'd be able to fit it in. As it is, I'm struggling to keep up to date with uni work..

Hao Ying, I don't mind picking you up after work on Wednesdays. It's the least I can do after everything you and your family has done for us. And it's not as though it's that much out of the way!

Speaking of mum's being brutal with their children: my mum likes to often touch my flab and comment about how fat I am. The worst one she ever said to me was "why don't you enter Miss University (it was for Chinese girls) coz I saw the show on TVBJ and they're all pretty ugly". She was bascially saying I was ugly and I would have a chance to win... talk about boosting your self-esteem huh??

You guys can still come and bowl! Come in on Thursdays if you like... lanes are free from 9pm. And I'll be there so you'll definitely get $3 per game.

As for what I think of the guys at Leo's party... ahahah man I was being too silly and being distracted by being drunk to notice anyone but us. And Jenny being WEAAAK WEEAAAAKKK! LOL... Generally though, I've noticed I don't usually perve on guys... the other time my sister came to uni with me, she was saying, "dude there are soooo many potentials on campus" and I'm like "where where where??" I just don't look.. perhaps it's the low self esteem thing? But my gay friend is training me into it... we have sessions when we sit down outside and rate guys as they walk pass... hahah next step is to approach them... yeh right! I just can't seem to approach guys... and so I don't bother even looking. Bleh..

How to meet guys?? Jenny!! You should be in on this too! lol
I've thought about.. hey going out to a club, going out and meeting guys... but like, hahaha as if. If I was being picked up by a guy at a club, I'd be like "yeah piss off" no matter how hot or not they looked. Guys at clubs mostly are sleazy and want one thing - that's what I reckon... so how else?? Through friends of friends? How? GRRRRRRRRRR

This better work!

Jenny, I can't believe your refusal of watching Full House... why? Why are you refusing to watch it? How? How could you refuse to watch it? Full House is hilarious and sooo sweet! If you like Princess Hours, you would also like Full House. You cannot get into Korean series and NOT watch Full House. Everyone, EVERYONE has watched Full House... or is that exactly the reason why you refuse to watch it? Because everyone else has? Seriously, another series that you will regret missing out on.

Career stuff- I don't know if my "passion" is teaching. I thought my "passion" was writing, but frankly I haven't written something in ages, and I don't think I'm that great of a writer. I was also considering doing journalism... I even attempted the Journalism Entrance Test at RMIT, that is the best Journalism course and has the most people getting jobs... I even did work experience in high school at Leader newspapers... but I was also discouraged because of the lack of jobs in the area... plus the fact that I really don't read the newspaper or watch the news... due to lack of time, mostly.
I think of teaching because it's the next step in Arts that won't take me years, and it allows me to contribute back to the community. But I don't know if I would be any good as a teacher... certainly I would teach younger kids, as I know what brats secondary kids are... but would I be any good? I don't know if was my passion.
What I would like to do is eventually go overseas and work. Experience the world a little bit, and then hopefully after living a little I will know exactly what it is I wish to do. And I thought, well if I do a Grad Dip in Teaching then I would be more advantaged than others when applying to teach english overseas. And if I had the Grad Dip, then at least if I decided I liked teaching whilst overseas, then I could come back and teach.

That's the problem I have: I don't know what my passion is. And I won't accept second best... I want to be in a job that I will enjoy doing, that I enjoy going to... that will make my life worth living... if you know what I mean. And that is why I think that if I do something that involves helping others, then this will fulfil the last criteria.

Silence...

OMG!! that's TWICE! BLOODDDY HELLLL. I wrote up one post... and that didn't work, and lost what I had written. so I just wrote it out again... and it didnt' work AGAIN... and I LOST IT AGAIN!.

Man! Should I even bother again????

AJ messaged: "Sorry about last night"
I thought about it for a while and decided to message him back: "wats there to be sorry about? I mean she is your gf. Its made me realise that this can't continue. It's not fair on any1"
He replied with, "I know, and seeing you that upset, made me realise that i rather you a friend then lose you altogether"
I didn't reply, because what left is there to reply to? Really? I doubt that he could just be "friends". So I didn't reply and have decided to ignore future calls, messages and only speak to him, if I must, at work. The situation was bad from the very beginning. Why I allowed it to continue, I don't know. I liked the attention I guess. I soooo need to go out and meet people... guys! grr.. He is such an asshole, what was I thinking?

Anxiety

Just had a Gender and Crime (Women Studies subject that falls under my behavioural studies major) tute and was sitting there with two new friends, terrified. We were put on the spot to do a debate... we had to pick out a slip of paper and there were a few groups: affirmative, negative and adjudicators. I picked the last one... and we sat there in fear that we would not know what to say... anyway after about 15 minutes of brainstorming we all came back together and the tutor announced the "official" groups... we still sat there terrified as we listened to the speeches... 2 minutes each. And we watched the clock... luckily turns out that it was everyone had to prepare in case they were selected as teh "official" groups. But it would have been okay in the end because we were the adjudicators, who just commented on the arguments and decided who won.

Trust me, BIG sigh of relief!

Ahhh after a discussion with your parents and my dad on Sunday night, I'm having second thoughts about doing teaching. It wasn't that they discouraged me or said anything bad about teaching. But they were saying it was something that only got you so far. Like it's a job that you can only go so far in. The pool is only so big. And I was thinking, I'd love to be able to become successful, to succeed and advance in my job. I'm not overly ambitious, but I like to feel as though I'm moving forwards, advancing, you know? At the same time, I want to do something that will contribute back to the world... that sounds soooo gay, but I mean, I want to be able to help people also in the job I do. Arghhhh annoying! I was considering too, perhaps doing the teaching course, then go overseas to teach a bit, then come back and then like see what I feel like then? Okay so that would mean after 2 years I would be 24, and then probably add on a year or two if I go overseas - 25-26... argh... that sucks. It sucks because it means when I come back and then think about what I want to do, I'll be 25-26: would I want to go studying again? What if teaching ISN'T what I want to do? Will it all be too late to attempt to find a job that will allow me to help others, and succeed in?

That's the fear I've always had since high school. First it was that I wouldn't be able to get into uni, and then my life would end. And now that I am in uni, I'm in a course that is reknown for not knowing what they want to do. I'll come out of uni with a Bachelor of Arts course and then what? What then? Do I really want to teach? And if I commit 2 years of my life to a teaching course, will I want to do that? Do I want to teach? And what if I'm half way through the course and failing or whatever, and realise that this just isn't my thing? What if? What if?!

If only I could fastforward my life 5 years, then I would have skipped all this indecisive anxious studying stage and be in "the job". Then again, I've always been indecisive... argh. I really, really do not want to be one of those people who end up being in their 30s and have nothing to show for themselves, and still do not know what they want to do in life.

Perhaps it's time again to make another appointment with the Careers advisor.... although the last two times I've been I've come away not feeling very helped.....

Jenny is obsessed!

Dude! Now it's my turn to tell you to stop giving away bits!! Don't ruin it!! =P You really are obsessed coz even my sister and I are still up like episode 13 or something! I was so shocked at the end of the episode when he kissed her... and couldn't resist (even though it was already 1am) seeing the aftermath, but was disappointed... ohhhhhhhhh and how good was it when Yul was hugging her afterwards, and Shin gets really pissed off and pulls her away and tells him to not touch her without his permission??? OMG! It was soooooo good!

OOOOOooo and how funny was it when they were playing the game and the maids are listening outside and looking all astonished: "Be gentle... ouch ouch that hurts!" ahahaha

I can't believe you covered 12 episodes in one day! Hao Ying and I reckon that you ditched work coz you were so obsessed (don't deny it!!). Haha... and you even tried to fit in another episode before work, which will have caused you to be late? Say it with me, Hao Ying! JENNY IS OBSESSED!! OBSESSED! Next thing I will say will probably undermine that, but, can I get those ring tones off you, Jenny? Only thing is I gotta attempt to get my phone fixed after uni today. How much do phones cost nowadays outright??

Tsk Tsk Tsk, looking at MVs and ruining really good bits for yourself!! =P
Uh oh... I am starting to watch the MV on Jenny's blog... must refrain!! CRRRAAAAPPP but OMMMGGGGG I saw that kiss! The one where he pushes her against the wall and is kissing her OMG! lol SIGHHH... we are sooooo going to Korea!!

And I disagree, you have surpassed Hao Ying and I in the obsession department... I know that you kept sending messages regarding the series for a long time last night! What time was her last one, Hao Ying? The last one I heard about was "sigh big sigh" or something! and prior to that "ballerina is a biatch!" hahahaha

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Hao Ying, I've been out with AJ a few times... and his friends from his old work have been there. They know he has a girlfriend, and that I'm the "other one" or whatever. So does that count as taking me out in public? Of course, I don't think that these friends interact with her, so that's why he probably thinks is safe for him to take me out with them.
But yeah, I prefer honesty because I need to know, to wake up from all of this!
I do get the impression that he tries really hard to act cool and tries to impress me. The other time he was telling me how he was nervous because the police were after him... and how it's happened before, and how it's probably because he hasn't paid fines or whatever. While he was telling me, I was thinking "yeah that doesn't really impress me much AT ALL". Oh ahaha, and yehhh he does have some hotted up car... he was saying how he spent so much blah blah... I sorta tuned out, as I usually do when my friends start on about cars.

Hahaha, so yeah I think that almost covers each description you gave of that sort of guy... oh and yeah, about the last point, when it all started he was saying how the first time he saw me blah blah, he liked me, and when he first kissed me he couldn't help it, he just went with the feeling blah blah... haha

Ahhh... nah it's good you told me all that, though I really did know myself, I just needed to be told. I guess, perhaps it's more the fact that it's nice to have the attention... which makes me sound incredibly shallow or whatever...

I'm not sure if he is nervous about meeting friends/family. And yeh he is umming and ahhing about his relationship. Heh, I don't know what I am thinking! This whole situation is obviously silly. Thinking about it, say okay, he did break up with her, what then? What? All the people at work will know and then his filo league. How will people swallow that one? Dumping a girlfriend he lives with, and then getting together with the girl from AMF. Ha yeah right! Ahhh what an asshole!

Jenny, what do you think? Help discourage me!!

I am soooo glad that my phone is broke at the moment. Sooooo glad, must remind my sister to stop me from contacting him... and if he comes around again, make sure I don't go!

I don't know if I like him like him... if you know what I mean. Like when his girlfriend was calling and he was with me, it didn't like hurt, but like it was weird and I felt terrible for her. Is it because I haven't really had a boyfriend? Ow man, I need to go out and meet people! Seriously. Perhaps, the reason why I still contact him, still go out with him, even though I know it's never ever going to work out, is because I'm bored, and it's nice to have someone around?

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I'm wondering why suddenly I have no option for colours, bold or italics when I post!

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It's that time of the year - the year when there are a few too many birthdays! This weekend is Nick's, and his supposed to be doing something Saturday, but haven't heard a peep about it... Except when we last all went out together he told us to keep this Saturday free... although, there's a chance he could have MESSAGED ME? And then Andrew's is the week after... and then its mine... hmm what to do? I dunno if I really wanna do anything big... I haven't been clubbing in a while, but to organise it, and ensure people have a good time? I haven't been to the Metro since O Week for uni... hmmm but then to work out ways to get home from the city? ARgh... wonder what the guys are doing? Wonder what I should get them! I hope there's a group present being organised?

It's sooo bad not having a workable phone... and I was going to use my sister's old phone... except last night when I asked her to check if the reception worked on her current phone with my sim card... she stupidly entered the wrong pin in three times and now it's blocked! She has never known my bloody pin and she decides to be smart! Unfortunately, my phone is no longer under warranty! So there's only so many options, use my sister's old phone for a WHOLE YEAR, or buy one... I'll probably have to go for the first option considering I don't have money... it was sooo annoying yesterday... attempting to answer Jenny's call, attempting to reply to her messages - only managed one before reception dropped out again! And then my friend's attempting to call me... arghhhh it was soooo annoying! but I've realised just how dependent I really am on my phone now... I know no one's number, except maybe my sister's and that's it! I would be dead if something happened to me and my phone was broken!

Part 2

Anyway, Saturday night was a blast! Man, seriously, Jenny, you sooooo suck! WEAK WEEEAAAAKKKKK!! You are soooo no fun to get drunk with at all! And I still cannot get over the fact that you touched my boob!! Dude!! lol

And Hao Ying was funny as... I was actually okay. I didn't overdrink, coz that would mean I would have rushed to the toilet chucking 6 times during the night, but I slept peacefully... I cannot recall how many I had, but 5-6 is the limit, and those vodka shots we like only 1/4 of the glass so that was okay. Were those shot glasses huge or what?!

Haha it was funny when Hao Ying was doing the serious face, and the seductive look... ahahaha

Cleaning up the house... we cleaned up the kitchen counter... and I think someone else helped and cleaned up outside... can't really recall. I can remember most of what happened... it was funny watching the clips again though... Good one, Jenny! No more memory!

Slightly psycho?? You're gonna die, biatccchh!!! =P My gay friend gets all depressed when his drunk... I think I become more carefree and less uptight when I get drunk... which is good or bad. lol

Hey, you know if AJ had turned up Saturday night it probably would have been better... coz like then, Hao Ying would have said the speech and scared him off!! And then he would have avoided me, which would have been better! Stupid guys! It would have been absolutely hilarious though! OMG! lol

Haha, that's right Jenny, next time we drink again, you have to, HAVE to, drink more. We should attempt to keep up with one another and see who's weaker (but I think we know already "Jenny-who-is-weak!"). Perhaps when it's my birthday??? Yeah yeah?? lol... as my birthday present right?

Hao-Ying, that is soo cool about going to Perth. Even though it is for a while, it would be good experience and would be good for your resume or whatever. And plus, it would be cool right? Congrats!
Oh and about the net, I use the net heaps coz I need it to access uni stuff, so it's only right that I pay for it too, so let me know.

Oh damn, gotta rush to clash, hectic as today. Had a history convention thingy to attempt to negotiate peace to avoid the American Civil War. I was a writer for the speech... and it was absolute chaos trying to make alliances. I'm glad I didn't volunteer for negotiator! And now I gotta go to a tute where we're gonna discuss what occurred in the convention... it'll be interesting, must go though coz I have to write a 750 response for it! Oh and we didn't manage to resolve anything, war was not prevented! Dammit!

And mannnn I soooo need a computer coz I have to do this concept map thingy due next week... Hao Ying... I'm sooo sorry, but can I use your laptop? I was gonna try to order my one today, but like apparently they don't accept bankcards! Dammit!

Gotta go, bye!

Phone is spastic!

For some reason the reception keeps dropping in and out. And I'll like receive a phone call but hear nothing on the other side then it hangs up. Or I can get a message, but when I attempt to send a reply it always fails. I checked other people's phones and theirs is fine with reception... including my sister's who is also Optus. So my phone is spastic. Which I guess is a good and a bad thing. Bad coz I'm not gonna be able to be contacted or contact anyone until I get another phone or something. Also, I have to buy a new phone now (or attempt to find an old one at mum's). Good coz I won't be tempted to message filo guy.

You guys can come in to bowl on Thursdays... And it's "Tight AS" coz they're all touchy about the "ass" bit for some reason. Anyway, if I was working and you guys came in, I would give you staff rates - which is $3 a game, so even cheaper... Did you still wanna come in?

Was it awkward or what yesterday? I asked him to come in and he was like all nervous and crap... going "isn't someone home? Where's your aunty and uncle?" And then like we were standing inside and he goes "are we just gonna stand here?". That sounds mean, but he didn't mean it mean... haha... So anyway, we went to Knox and stood there for a while trying to work out what movie to watch... frankly I wasn't really in the mood to go see a movie - I was feeling guilty for not doing any homework during the weekend. We ended up seeing some Aussie comedy called 'Kenny'. It was alright. Anyway, he was holding my hand and trying to hug me and stuff in the cinemas... There's really not much to say... so we drove back to Hao Ying's and we were sitting in the car... and he wanted to kiss me and I was saying stuff like "we shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't see you anymore..." He goes he has two letters for me... but he didn't have it on him, and that he'd give it to me when he saw me next. And he was saying that he was gonna come and see me on Saturday night but then my sister told him I was passed out... and he apparently asked someone why I wasn't speaking to him on the phone.

haha... anywho, so we like talking and hugging... and he kept trying to kiss me and I said it was wrong... blah blah... and I was asking him why he liked me, and he wouldn't say... and then I hear his phone vibrating in the slot on the side of the door... and I looked at who was calling and it was his girlfriend... at which point I said "I'm gonna go now" and left.

Talk about a complicated situation. How did I feel when his girlfriend was calling? I dunno. I don't think I like him enough to start crying etc. It was just weird and bad. I feel bad for her. And I feel that this whole situation is too screwed up... and yet... man! I need to go out and meet someone else to distract me from this idiot.

Not exactly what you were looking for was it? lol... I was saying to him that this situation is bad, and that I shouldn't see him anymore because he hasn't broken up with his girlfriend, I should see other people. And how I know I'm gonna end up hurt, and he was saying he didn't want to see me hurt... and then he was asking me, "how much do you like me?" As if I would reply to that! I just told him that I wouldn't say because I would only end up getting hurt.

On Thursday night he was asking me if I wanted to do something after work, but I left and by the time he'd noticed I was already on Stud Road. He called me "hun" and "babe". I told him last night he has no right to call me any of those names.

You know, I was thinking, I should have said to him: "even if you did break up with your girlfriend, how would I know if you didn't go cheat on me like you did with her?"

So what did you guys think of him... hahaha of course you'd be bias though considering you know that he's cheating on his girlfriend right? You know how my sister said he was fat? And then Jenny later told me that he wasn't, Adrienne replied "I'm only telling her that so she won't like him". When I told Adrienne, she said she's gonna kill ya Jen... hahaha But yeah she was starting to influence me actually.

Ahhhhhh... man, it's a good thing, a GREAT thing that my phone is going spastic at the moment. Coz he can't contact me, and I can't contact him. Only downfall in this is that I'm waiting on a call from Centrelink to see if our claim for "unreasonable to live at home" has been approved or what.

Oh and he goes, yeh that guy (Leo) tried to give me a hard handshake... hahaha it's funny coz it's like they were sizing each other up or something!

It's a bad bad bad situation... what do you guys think of him? What did Leo think of him? Argh... what am I gonna do! No, I know what I'm gonna do: avoid him. It's fabulous my phone has died, coz if it hadn't I would be tempted to contact him. Why do I put myself continuously in that situation???

Bleh

Two posts in the last few minutes... and Hao Ying, the last ummm 5 hits on your site was by mine. I keep checking to see if you have posted... but you're probably working really hard.

Yes, I am procrastinating and have been since 11am... bloody hell!!

I keep fixing up the template of my blog... and then looking at youtube for Goong stuff... but at the same time trying to avoid having bits ruined...

STOP PROCRASTINATING!

Sea of Love

This song is soooo good! Can't get enough of it, by Korean duo called 'Fly to the Sky'. I thought they'd be hotter though... hmmm

"Somehow now you've become everybody's fool"

I'm becoming quickly obsessed with Princess Hours... whenever I have these obsessions, I have this intense desire to get a copy of it... and just keep it... haha I remember the Buffy faze, and the Sailor Moon faze...

Buffy faze: I would buy all the magazines that featured everything on Buffy and filed it away... I came away spending heaps of money and having a whole stack of folders full of Buffy articles and pictures. Also, I would record Buffy whenever it was on TV, resulting in a heap of videos that I really didn't watch.

Sailor Moon faze: I would go out to Box Hill, Springvale etc and upon finding cards, figures, posters etc etc, I would buy them all and keep them in my bottom drawer. I guess I still sorta of am still in that faze - as I have bought Sailor Moon S and Sailor Moon Super S from ebay and still have the intention sometime in the future to buy the first couple of seasons on DVD. I used to meticulously record it when it was on TV and used to have heaps of videos too. The difference though with buying DVDs off ebay is that the episodes are not censored for little kids... the most memorable bit cut out of Sailor Moon, was when in one scene Mars and Moon are arguing, next minute Sailor Moon is bent over clutching her face... obviously Mars slapped Sailor Moon... but I found it amusing. Thus, my collecting Sailor Moon, does demonstrate I'm still slightly obsessed (since year 8!!) but it is also to show my desire of just wanting to see the uncensored versions. But that's died down, since I haven't watched Sailor Moon Stars that my friend copied for me.

Other fazes I've had: like Full House, Sad Love Story, A Love to Kill etc - I still love them, but since they were Korean it was a lot harder for me to collect stuff, so instead I'd surf the net and get all these pictures that I'd save on my computer and never really look at again... haha

Jenny, if you choose to not watch Princess Hours, you seriously have missed out. We haven't really given THAT much away... what we could do is warn you if you like, if and when we decide to discuss scenes...

And I totally agree with Hao Ying: you should not feel you HAVE to contribute. If it is true about her choosing her lifestyle that requires a lot of money, then you needn't feel sorry for her and feel that you NEED to give her money... if there are issues, then she should go discuss it when the people up above or whatever! But it is understandable that you would feel obligated to do contribute.

You suck, Jenny!! I dunno if it is a "skip of the heart" when I see him... it's hard to describe... something happens in my chest when I see him... like it's this feeling... it doesn't hurt though. Haha maybe I have heart problems? Nah, but when I was in love with one of my friends from high school, whenever I saw him my heart seemed to stop for a second and would then proceed to beat rapidly... don't tell me you have never experienced it! Oh and also: yeah right! You soooo wanna go check out the filos to see if there are any hot single ones... there's another one who's 22 and I think single who is very hot too... mmm lol

Germlock question: it's to lock against germs... that's what I've always remembered.

OMG, talk about traumatising! My mum used to cut our hair all the time, and it was soooo bad because we really did look like boys! And to this day, both my sister and I refuse to have short hair because we have been traumatised. It was sooo sooo bad!

Haha about the chocolates and Adrienne... she looked absolutely horrified when you guys were telling her, but it was soooo funny! How come Jenny didn't come with us to Queensland? Was there a time when she did come with us? And we were living in an apartment not far from the beach? I cannot recall... I wanna keep watching that to see how I used to speak! lol... and that is exactly how I remember you brother... he looks a lot different now compared to then!

Hao Ying, how much are you paying for the net? I figure that if we're gonna be using it too, we could pay for half of it? Was yours cable or something? I think it's only fair that if we use it, we should pay for it... if half cool with you? Especially how often I use the net at home for uni stuff and random other stuff.

I think Mr Right Now is defined as a person that could be Mr Right, but you're not sure so you're testing. I mean, they say if you don't date, then how are you supposed to know when the Mr Right comes along? I guess I'm a bit like that: if I'm seeing someone, I'd be thinking 'is this Mr Right? And will Mr Right be out there coming... so why am I wasting time dating this one?'

The 20 year old: besides the fact that he's 20 years old... lol, is it just coz I like the attention? He's a nice guy, and it is fun just teasing him and flirting a little bit... but do I actually like him/am attracted to him? Or is it just coz he's a nice all right looking guy and it's nice to have the attention? Hmm I dunno. The thing I would hate the most is uncomfortableness... it's all easy and stuff when I'm at work and he comes up to the counter to talk. It's easy to message and stuff... but to go out with him? I dunno. He doesn't really put in much effort.. hehehe that's me and my expectations... and well, I don't think I really put in a lot of effort, it's just nice to have attention I think, and like I don't know if I'm interested enough... should I still go out with him for fun... I dunnnoooooooo...

The filo guy is bowling tonight... I dunno what to think or do. He still has yet to give me those "supposed" letters. I am very intrigued to know what he has to say. He hasn't messaged me at all this week... which is a good thing! A good thing! I think he's a little annoyed with me: he came into Grain on Friday last week to eat, and I wasn't able to go talk to him. And he left without saying anything but messaged saying "sorry for visiting". He hasn't messaged since.. so neh whatever. I gotta stop messaging him back or messaging him, gotta stop seeing him out of work. I can forsee that this is going to get messy if it continues. Argh guys suck!

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Isn't it sad to see friends you had who end up ditching you because now they have found someone? I've mentioned before, the group of friends I hang out with the most (surprisingly all high school friends - and mostly guys too) has turned into a couple group, me being the few left who are single. We have a gay guy in our group who came out at the end of year 12. He's Viet and such a girl! Like not those stereotypical girly gay guys. But he's like this little kid who whines and demands attention.

Prior becoming a couple, he used to be the one who would constantly messaging everyone, seeing what they were doing, if they would be up for doing something. He would always be the first to say yes, if someone suggested doing something. He would always be there, never wanted to be excluded from something. I remember how he used to literally drive around our areas - Springvale, Mulgrave - in case someone wanted to do something. He lived in Narre Warren, so it was a fair travel, so he used to go for drives and sorta wait till someone decided to do something.
Last year around my birthday he met up with someone he had been talking to on the the phone (met on gaymatchmaker) and they've been together since. First date, they go to one of our friend's 21st parties, to introduce him to all of us. He was very afraid of what we would think of the 33 year old hair dresser... but we're all generally cool and accepted him. Anyway, so they've been together for almost a year now... and they've become like an old married couple, doing nothing but stay at home together, and never sees anyone else.

So anyway, on Saturday I invited everyone out to dinner at Village Green. It was awkward in some parts because his boyfriend was sorta treating him like crap (but he still stays with him, because I think he's scared to be alone) and then after everyone had finished eating and we were just chatting and trying to decide where to go to next, he gets up and says, "okay, we're off... we have to uh... ahahahaha." I haven't hung out with these guys in a while, but I hadn't realised things have gotten so bad. Bad in the way that the one who had always been the first to be someone, the first to say yes, the one who would whine that we stay out longer and do something else... had transformed into a couple oriented person. Hai, of all people, was ditching us... it makes me realise just how different the group has become!

Warning Jenny Princess Hours stuff/discussion. This concludes the post for Jenny, Hao Ying highlight if you wanna read!
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Omg!! Shin is soooo totally falling for her!! He is sooo cute when he was staying at her place... and when in bed he was holding that cute little dog (?)... but what sorta guy is he! He let a GIRL sleep on the floor! BASTARD! Absolutely loving this... omg, and I totally wanna kill Hyorin! She's soooo badddd...! Keep away! lol... and Chegyueng has finally made the life size doll... Can't wait for the next episode... the love triangle between Yul, Shin and Chegyueng is emerging because Shin is getting jealous of Chegyueng's friendship with Yul... She's so cute and sooo embarrassing in some scenes... like when they were in the attic, and he stops her from calling out, and he's on top of her... a near kiss scene! And then his phone rings and she's all like all coy: "turn off the phone"... lol but ahhhhhhhhh I LOVE THIS SERIES! hahaha... yes yes it's just a series, it's not real life... but it's nice to dream isn't it???? And its even better than real life because you can watch it again and again and again!

A New Beginning

So once again I've decided to move my blog. Reason? Just coz with Blogger Beta I am able to fiddle around with the template and background of this blog... I'm still trying to find the option that allows one to post private posts.